The Strain: Season 1, Episode 3 – Gone Smooth


UK Pace Review – Broadcast on digital channel Watch
The Strain: Wednesdays at 10pm
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WARNING this review contains SPOILERS.

We’re introduced to Eichorst’s morning routine, which involves a LOT of prosthetics and makeup. It turns out he’s a grey-faced, nose-less, sharp-toothed, monster! It must take him AGES to get going in the mornings..

Eph, Nora and Jim find that all of the bodies are missing. It’s assumed they were “appropriated” by the Government – but not the survivors? Jim is suddenly worried that letting the van through the road block, might not have been the best idea…

One of the “survivors” (and I’m using that term loosely) wakes up feeling a bit peaky. Bloodshot eyes, bleeding gums, pasty complexion – but insists he’s fine. That persistent ringing in their ears also comes with the sound of a heartbeat.

Our pest control guy, Vasily, has a longer list of jobs than usual. But a rich guy gets to go to the top of the list, because money buys influence everywhere.

Captain Redfern is being treated by Eph and a team for a “bloodworm” infection. His prognosis does not look good. Nora wants to talk to Abraham, as he seemed to know more than them about this infection from the start.

Jim visits Stoneheart and gets paid his second instalment for “helping” them. In order to buy his silence, Eichorst suggests that Jim’s wife Sylvia could be admitted to a trial study for the treatment of her cancer. Jim’s a desperate man, doing bad things for the money to pay medical treatment – how different it would be in the UK with free NHS healthcare (albeit with a waiting list..!).

Abraham plays the part of an old befuddled man in court for the charge of trespassing – and his concealed weapon sword-in-a-walking-stick. Nora catches up to him on the way out. Abraham hints that the bodies got up and walked out by themselves. But he won’t explain further until they better understand what they’re dealing with.

Eph attends the custody hearing with his ex-wife Kelly, and son Zack. The kid appears to understand his situation better than the adults, and suggests his dad only visits from time to time – when he’s not too busy with his work. Being present for the little day to day things are what matters most, and Eph is conspicuously absent more often than not.

Gabe, the goth-rock survivor, is too sick to perform.

Eph visits the home of the Arnot’s, the French guy and his (undead) daughter. No one appears to be home, but the bathtub looks pink and bloody, with clumps of little-girl-hair floating in it. He leaves, and missed a little-girl-sized creature peaking from behind a door.

Vasily visits the rich guy’s house, where his daughter was bitten by a rat. He admires the guy’s Cuban cigar – very expensive. Then goes outside and lights a cigar (the same one?). He spies a rat running away and follows it. There are a LOT of rats all running out of the pipes and away from civilisation.

So apparently rats bite children on the mouth because that’s where the food smell is: KIDS, REMEMBER TO CLEAN YOUR TEETH!

Jim returns home to find that Sylvia has miraculously being accepted onto the drug trial. Hooray, maybe.

Ansel, our third survivor is feeling hungry. So drinks the juice from a piece of raw meat (technically it’s NOT blood, it’s tissue fluid – butchery 101! But OK let’s call it blood for now). Unfortunately, his wife sees him.

Gabe talks to his doctor/drug dealer. He also flashes his “bits” at the doctor to get his opinion on something strange going on down there. He should really get to a hospital about that!

Abraham gets back home to the pawn shop. A young girl comes in with the list of airplane passengers, an errand she ran to get her PlayStation back. Geek-gamer-girl can gets the job done with no fuss.

Captain Redfern, in his plastic box, claims “he’s here”.
Zack watches news reports on his iPad. Kelly is reminiscing with old photos on the back porch.

Eichorst stages the suicide of a businessman. As you do.

Gabe goes to the bathroom. Removes his stage contact lenses to reveal his bloodshot eyes, takes his wig off to reveal a rapidly thinning head of hair, and he’s not going to need that pale goth makeup any more. He goes for a pee, and something “plops” into the toilet bowl. He doesn’t seem too bothered. He flushes and turns around – Ah, so THAT’S what “Gone Smooth” means – his cock has fallen off and he’s now as smooth as a Ken-doll!

Captain Redfern has gone missing from his plastic box. Jim finds him in the basement kitchen, munching on a blood bag. He’s gone all vampire-like! Increased strength, pointy teeth, and somewhat psychic. Redfern gives a full on monster attack with his long-fangy-tongue (proboscis?) until Eph beats his head into a bloody pulp on the kitchen floor with a fire extinguisher.

Unanswered Questions:

  • Where’s the big bad got to this week?
  • So, do we call the infected vampires? What are they exactly?
  • Abraham said he knows where the dead bodies went, but didn’t elaborate? No rush!

My Favourite Bit:
Gabe flushes away his cock and balls. Poor bugger. He’s going to miss them! Gabe is starting to be my favourite character so far!

Gabe "Gone Smooth" - Oops!
Gabe “Gone Smooth” – Oops!


Overall Rating:
Empty Star_76 4 out of 5 stars

I’m suspending my disbelief at the CDC’s and the Government’s lack of scientific skills, and just getting on with enjoying this silly story. There’s no shortage of monsters, and secrets aplenty! So, when do the other “survivors” start eating people? I’m expecting more carnage as this series progresses. Bring it on!